"There She Goes" Talking in Song Lyrics!

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need." -Rolling Stones.

Probably one of those lines that most everybody knows and for me that what one of my many song Mantras of the past two years. I tend to think a lot in song lyrics, if life was a movie best to have an awesome soundtrack that goes with it. My other song mantra that has helped me through these past two years and for a good part of my life is "I get knocked down, but I get up again you're never gonna keep me down." -Chumbawamba (for all those 90ies kids out there!)  After going through probably one of my darkest times and being alone in a town with no one you need a pretty cool soundtrack to get you up and going.

But back to the first song lyrics I had mentioned. What I wanted was not what I was give to work with and I somehow had to make lemonade as my dad would tell me more than once. So since I had my very tart lemons I needed a lot of sugar to turn that lemonade into something I would want to drink and let me tell you boy is not an easy task. I obviously had to go through the motions that anybody goes through after a bad break up.  This was the time where I asked myself what it is I wanted to be. A question most anybody hears growing up and it normally gets the very career orientated answer.

PANIC! 
But seriously, What or rather WHO do I want to be?  At that moment at my lowest moment I realized that the past seven years of my life I had been in a relationship and I had allowed that to define me and it swallowed me up. For my entire adult life up until that point I wasn't just me, I was Me and (Who's name whom shall never be spoken. :) ). So like any normal 20 something female I panicked and my very interesting life in the dating world began. If you ever find yourself single in a big city be warned there are certainly interesting people out there. They make conversations with your friends but that is about it.

So I sat down wrote a very long list of what I wanted in my life, small goals next to big ones. I was a blank canvas and felt inspired and started building myself into someone who I wanted to be. No one holding me back and no one in my ear tearing me down telling me I was being silly. I had all this inspiration and didn't know how to channel it, so I channeled it into everything. I got more focused in my studies, I started playing an instrument, I started painting and one of my goals was to get my scuba license so I signed up for a class through the university to do that as well.

Another item on my long list was to Travel which I did! I traveled alone and also with my family, which was also a lot of fun. I already knew how to be alone with myself but what I needed to rebuild was my self confidence and traveling alone helps because it forces you to either be all alone or talk to other people and even if it is a short live friendship it forces you to make friends. My first trip alone was to Graz for the weekend and for the most part I was alone but at night I went out to a bar and there I was not alone. Also a fun thing to relearn once you are single again after a long time is flirting, how embarrassing! Thank goodness it was in another town!

Me in my very sweet suite!
For Easter I met my mom in Paris and the first day she was not able to be there so I ended up being in Paris for the third time but for the first time I was alone and it was great! We were super lucky to have a connection in Paris where we got a wonderful hotel room with a view of the tour and the Sur Bon right next door. I felt very posh coming into the hotel and at first being told I am too early to check in and I would have to wait until check in time but after giving them my name I was treated like a princess and immediately escorted to my room! So apparently Check-in time was only for schmucks!   

10 years ago I said I would eat you, now get in my belly!
I have and always will be a foodie and before ever thinking living in Europe would be a reality for me I used to sit in my parents living room late at night once everyone had gone to bed watching traveling food shows. Some people like reality TV some people sleep, this insomniac liked traveling and watching people eat all the local specialties where they were traveling. One episode that probably made 13 year old me say I am one day gonna go there and eat that was an episode all about France and one bit was about Mont-Saint-Michel and the infamous Omelettes. If you are asking yourself am I crazy enough to travel to a city 2 hours away for eggs, the answer is YES! May I also add that it is not just a specialty that you can find anywhere, it is at a very specific restaurant because the other places selling it is just not the same. Needless to say it was the perfect moment, yeah I had a moment with some eggs. When they served this masterpiece the radio then started to play Etta James' At last I had to laugh at how perfect it all was! I told you, you need an awesome soundtrack for life!

Maybe life knew that it was time for me to get rid of what was a dead limb that I did not want to be sawed off quite yet. What I didn't know what what I felt like was a huge chunk of me that I could not get back was really just my old skin and I was growing into my new skin. The unknown is very scary but sometimes we need the darkness to appreciate the light. I didn't know it then but it would take sometime until I really found that opened window people talk about, but once I jumped out what was on the other side  was much better than I could have hoped for.

Until next time, I do hope you all are enjoying the telling of my journey.

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