Mr, Jones and the BOX!

“Sometimes the world seems like a big hole. You spend all your life shouting down it and all you hear are echoes of some idiot yelling nonsense down a hole.” -Adam Duritz (Counting Crows)

Now I have no idea why I love this quote, I guess it resembles ALOT of myself and this blog.

If you wish to read random rambling please read the following:

Back home in my small ''box'' as I like to call my safe zone, and everything that is in that safe zone made me feel like I was in a box. Now for majority of everyone I knew the ''Box'' was just what they needed. Now I am starting off right now saying that is fine with me if another person wants to live in their safe zone. I have many many days where that is where I want to go back to, safety and securtiy. BUT, I am a person that if I feel trapped I want to go, but if I get to comfortable, I will never leave. Which is slightly a tricky limbo to be in. So whoever want to stay in their life that they are living and are comfortable with I respect you because it is something I can not do.

So I didn't move to Vienna for a change, or being trapped. If anything it was because I was afraid to get too comfortable and never live the dream I had dreamt of since I was 5 or 8 years old. My dad once bought me a globe, and pointed to Florida and the city we lived in. He asked me if that one spot was a big dot on the picture, I replied back no, but knew that the town I lived in had a few thousand people living in it. He then spinned it around (yes it seems a bit dramatic but it makes a person understand) and said now we live on this small dott in an even smaller dot in the dot. (Still following) He told me to explore other places and spots in this world, and not to have only seen this small pin point on such a huge planet. That is when I started to dream to live here. Now I am living my dream and for other curcumstances I live here in beautiful Vienna.

So my parents always supported me, but I have gotten a few stares and remarks from people that used to be my friends and their parents. I was quite radical for a kid, they wanted their kids to go to college study, get a job, find somebody, get married, buy a house down the street, have kids and do exactly the same thing. I am not saying I don't want a husband and kids and a house later on, but I had always said I wanted to study in Europe. For these people, that was absurd, and what bothered me the most was I saw them as the ones being ubsurd and not accepting what was the best choice for me.

I was homeschooled for 8 years and it WAS MY CHOICE. I went to may parents and told them that I wanted to be homeschooled, it wasn't my parents, heck I don't think they really knew much about it until I asked for it. Many people were under the misunderstanding that it was my parents who kept me in homeschooling and started it with me, but the truth is it was my choice. Now I was in a Christian homeschooling group, and they certainly were not accepting of my personality, what made me, me and future goals.  It seemed liked everyone got married between the years 18-21 and about a year or two later the kids started to flow.

So this was the BOX, and I told myself that was not what I would keep myself in. Hence forth, loosing friends and becoming a bit of an outcast. Which I hate when people pity me for that, since it made me stronger and made me want to reach my goals just that much more.

So I am thankful for people who are in the box to scare people like me out of the box and to prove that dreams come true. Now if your dreams are growing wings and flying, I would say take a good nap for that one.

But as much as I love being here in Vienna and doing what I dreamt, I miss my family and my dog. Those where the biggest sacrifces that left big holes in my heart.


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